17:45 Nov 04 2023
Times Read: 573
With the last of the Halloween décor taking out of my home, off my porch- Halloween 2023 has ended. I sit here trying to remember last year. I know it involved my family, home made chili, and watching Ghost and Mr. Chicken. As we sat and waiting for the trick or treaters. We had 3 or 4 last year.
So this year- we kept our candy. The family at a nice meal I cooked for them, but come dark I was home, alone. Not that I minded that. I watched the Ghost and Mr. Chicken, and just chatted with False online, and others. No one came to get my candy, so I was all good. ;)
This morning it was cold outside. Imagine a older woman, plus size, in her long nightgown with a robe zip closed over it, bare foot in the yard, on her porches, pulling lights down. Hauling ceramic jackolaterns to her car trunk. When it came to taking the inflatable tree down- I gave the little ghosts pats on the heads, and pulled the plug. It was while I was trying to squeezer the air out of it that I hear the man's next door coming out of his home. He waves, I kind of flick my hand to him.
Laughing, her moves on to get in his car as his wife comes out, sees me, ask if I needed help. "I got it." "Loved the decorations this year." :) Nice for her to say. And super nice for them to put up with me in my nightgown most times I am outside. As they are renting the house that was my grandparents, to say they live right in my yard, would not be an exaggeration. I can walk 20 steps in be at the front door of the home.
Been dreaming of my family. The ones who have passed away. I woke up from a dream this morning, about a person I went to school with. I don't know why, we wasn't great friends. But I remember she took photos. She, in my dream, was at my father's funeral. My father was not a man who expressed himself a lot. I knew he loved me, proud of me. He would tell me that in many ways. Tell other people, just not me.
Anyway- she came up to me and told me she meet my father at my high school graduation. Which, in my dream, I never questioned. See- I am the youngest in the family. And when it came time for my high school graduation service- I did not have family there. Not a big deal. It was hot, being held inside, crowded. While I went to my sisters - it seemed they really did not want to sit thought mine. I really understood- as I would not of went to theirs either if not made to by my parents. Mom did offer, but I said no, I was good. Once it was over I had plans anyway with friends.
Dad? Dad was on the road. He said he would try to get in, but being a over the road trucker, you learned to 'see him when he came in'. So here I am, in the freaking hot gym, not enough seats for the crowd so many standing. I, being one of the last in the lineup, sat, and just looked at the crowd as they did not want us to be talking to each other. And I spotted him. My father. He had driven all night, got home to shower, and came to see me in that 2 minute walk up, shake hand, and walk back to my seat.
That was my Daddy. Strong, hard working, but he wasn't going to let me do this without showing up. He wasn't mad, he just wasn't not going to support me. We had already has the 'collage' talk. The 'what do you plan to do for work, collage?" The "We will support you, pay for those years, you just get a degree" talk. And I was the only one who said I had a job, working for the family business, I don't need a paper to do that." And besides- not really a collage type job. They pointed out I liked fashion, I like science, I liked this and that... but I pointed out I was not a good student. I was fine doing my job, and it was a good job, a job that paid out in the end.
I knew I was always able to go, years and years later, but I stayed and worked 35 plus years in that job. A good career, a good nest egg made. Fun days, hard days, stress, and joy. Same as anyone. Working with family had its blessing, and its drama. But I always knew it was what I had wanted to do, but toward the end when my father passed away. I lost all interest in it then.
But let's get back to the dream. So I recalled my dad being at the event, sitting alone on the hard benches, way up toward the top in the hottest part. She told me he asked her for a photo of me. From the yearbook. This is about the time I woke up, laying there in my dark room, thinking of this. When dad died he had photos of each of us kids in his wallet. Worn, torn edges. As kids. Mine was a young elementary photo. And one of my senior photos.
And I laid there, wondering how many times he showed them to people on his travels. "I have 4 girls and a boy..." as he pulled them out. Would he do that? Or did he just look at them sometimes, in all those days he was away from us? He had three of Mom too. Younger, mid age, older. It showed me, us, he loved us and kept us close at hand.. in his own way.
I asked in my ritual to have contact with my family over the next few weeks. To me, that dream was dad talking to me.
Anyway- time for some food, then I am going to be watching a movie later with a few VR folks. Movie night, in chat. Cowboys and Aliens. If you wish to join, message me. We start at 9:00 pm. You just need the standard movie, we just chat as we all watch the same movie.
Good bye Halloween 2023. Thank you for the fun, the spooky, and for giving me my contact to my father. I would love to have the same with my mother, sister, Aunt. And godmother who has been on my mind of late as well. I just need to be open to them, and let them come to me if they wish.
COMMENTS
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Halloqueen
14:22 Nov 29 2023
I am so sorry. You are welcome to adopt my mother. She would adore you. Love, hugs, and prayers.
EstrangedOne
14:56 Nov 29 2023
The closest thing I've ever actually known was a woman who only favored me over her own daughters, partly because I don't take shit (needless to say, while I considered her close, I still couldn't fully consider her as family - her daughters, my fostered sisters, on the other hand, remain my "little sisters" to this day).
All I can really say to finish my statement, Girlie, is... may your mother and mothers rest peacefully, dear sister. 🥂🍷
Cadrewolf2
20:38 Nov 29 2023
So sorry to hear. Blessings and prayers for all
OldSoul
01:20 Nov 30 2023
Hail the Traveler
CuRsEdToDaRkNeSs
10:50 Nov 30 2023
I am so sorry! You are absolutely in my thoughts as is your friend. *hugs*
CountessLili
14:50 Nov 30 2023
So sorry for your loss. Heaven recieved another anothe new angel.
Vodka
10:57 Dec 02 2023
Oh hun, -hugs- if you need to talk I am only a call away...luv you